A belated Happy New Year. Christmas 2014 has come and gone and I’m glad to say I got through this period, encountering some lows along the way, but dealing with and able to deal with each dip in form.
Looking back on the ‘dreaded’ Christmas period, it went as well as could be expected. I had an idea of how I wanted it to go and it played out just about right.
This New Year, 2015, is very welcome, a brand New Year for me to focus on, and which allows me to continue my progress on all aspects of my life. It allows me to bring closure on a turbulent year and gives me the opportunity for closure.
It is important for me to reflect on my past and especially 2014. It gives me a chance to accept both the positives and negatives, leave the negatives behind and now build on those positives. Saying goodbye to 2014 was done in a very personal way and now looking back on it, a very(for me) fitting way.
I ran Torc mountain (Killarney) on a very windy New Years Day. It was great, the only person on the mountain, the perfect way for ME to say goodbye to 2014 and hello to a brand new year, a new me and hopefully a new and bright future. (2014 was not all bad, yes I was at an all time low, but it is also the year I decided against an ending in favour of a new beginning).
Come on you bastard! Is that all you got?
Like a man possessed; I descended the mountain: shouting, screaming and cursing as I ran through the over flowing, marshy and rocky trail; my forceful roars filled with more raw feeling and emotion as time ticked by ; battling the ever increasing resistance of the wind, which was now thumping me at every opportunity and awakening all my senses to those thoughts and feelings of ongoing battles with depression. The fight was in full swing, me in one corner; racing down the mountain , taking the hits, keeping my balance and control as the wind: in the other corner, the piercing wind, now partnered by the heavy, rain filled clouds and icy rain doing their collective best to disrupt my focus, push me off course and ultimately defeat me. It was great! This was my battle with depression today, but this time it (depression) had a physical appearance, one I could feel and observe; then duck, dodge and run through.
Depression, yes, is very much a mental issue but when I experience one of those low periods, I also feel it physically; a heavy head or that feeling my body is physically draining of blood and energy;flowing from upper to lower body and then seeping out. However, the whole process originates in the head; the thoughts; the negativity.
This, for me, is what makes it such a frustrating condition. You can’t see it, touch it, duck low or jump high to dodge it, you must ride it out. But today , today depression had this physical appearance (wind, clouds, rain). Today I could dodge AND run through it. Today I had the advantage. Today I WILL win.
How Will I WIN in 2015
My NEW YEAR is filled with targets, commandments and promises. This is to ensure I battle through the bad days, move closer to achieving my norm and then progress with my personal goals. The word that will guide me in 2015 is POSITIVITY. This will lead me in every activity; health, work and fun. When I feel alone or disengaged, low and in darkness, I will drag my thoughts back to this word POSITIVITY. This is done by writing it down and focusing on the written word in front of me, then associating it with my commandments and promises, seeking out how and why achieving these commandments and promises will make for a more positive and clear future.
My commandments are my three CORE areas of focus. I will get in shape, I will work hard, I will have more fun. This is the balance I will strive for: it is a healthy balance, the three are intertwined and rely on each other to work effectively and efficiently. If you are in shape and feel good, you are more likely to work hard, if you have fun (your release from the norm) you are more likely to work hard, if you are in shape you are more likely to have more fun.
My promises to myself are my signposts or goals that will guide me to stay focused on my three commandments.
I Neil Kelders,
- promise to sign up and attend another acting and Improvisation Course (acting and Improvisation was a way for me to have fun but also to challenge myself. When low you want to hide: in these classes there is no hiding, you work in a large group, smaller groups, with a partner and then you perform with another or on your own in front of the whole class)
- promise to resurrect and develop my business career by pursuing a lingering idea.
- promise to run 4 ultra marathons in 2015 , to include The Kerry Way Ultra Marathon.
- promise to develop this blog and make it as honest and insightful as possible.
The above promises are then broken down to specifics. Such specifics; for example, for The Ultra Marathons would include naming and booking 4 races and planning a weekly training schedule for each of the four events.
It was very fitting that I was on Torc Mountain that very windy day. For me it had a deep personal meaning. I was alone on the first mountain I ever ran, it was the first day of a New Year, the first day of me standing up and being counted….what a day for a challenging run, what day for a challenge to begin, what a day to say goodbye to 2014 and welcome a challenging but fulfilling 2015, fashioned by POSITIVITY.